Near-Death Experience

I cant get to sleep, as much as I try to. The scene keeps replaying in front of me. The sense of helplessness is still intact. I wish it was all unreal. It was all just a dream or shall I say nightmare. I had plenty of such incidents in my dreams and I always wake up hoping it was all a dream. It usually takes some time before it sinks it that it was a dream. But this time round it is real. Very real. I could have died or been seriously injured. I had no way to fight or escape my fate. I braked, I tried to swerve back and after that I don't remember what I did. I remembered that my car hit something, it was not very hard and then it continued to skid. The second hit was slightly softer. The glass broke and finally I sort of came to my senses and looked around me in the car. There were pieces of glass, my hands were bloodied but I felt no great pain. I tried to get out of the car. On my side and on the passenger side. But both doors were stuck. I started to scream "WHYYYYY?" cos I was angry. Angry at myself. Angry at the car. And angry why it had to rain when I finally get to drive the car. Then I saw someone outside. He was trying to talk to me. He said I had to get out but I wasn't really listening then. I continued to scream somemore and I think he continued to say I had to get out. I sort of agreed that yes I had to get out. I fumbled with the doors again. He too tried to open the passenger door. Then he finally did opened it. I crawled out and came out to the open. I saw another man and finally I manage to figure out they were both from China. They say I need to call an ambulance. I know I should but my mind were in a mess. Instead, I irrationally called my dealer and screamed into the phone again. "WHYYYYY!??! Why the car is like that?" I told him where the accident took place but he couldn't get it. I dropped the call and started pacing around again. Then I called my mum, I started shouting "I only got the car half an hour ago. I wasn't even speeding to get home." My mum started asking where I am and I told her. Next I called the police, they asked me if I need an ambulance. I say I am fine. They asked me again and I thought I should ask for the ambulance since I do not know what is wrong with me. My dealer called again later, asking for the address. I told him again. Then there was silence. Cars were driving by. Cars with L plate hung behind. They slowed when they drove past me and I could sense the instructor teaching the student what they should not do and he keep pointing at the car. Then there was silence again. I am at a loss. I seem to be waiting for something. My mum arrived in a cab. And she hurried over. She looked worried but I irrationally started to behave rationally. I told her I am fine just a little cuts here and there on the hands. But suddenly I feel slight pain on my face. I asked her is my face ok? Are there alot of blood? She say no, just a bit. Then the ambulance came and the paramedics tended to me. They asked if I am okay. I say I am. But they had to check. So they brought me into the ambulance. They did abit of check and seems satisfied I am indeed okay. By that time, I had calmed down quite abit. I started to chat with the paramedics. They tell me of incidents that happen there. It seems to be quite frequent. I am going to avoid that road from onwards. But thats the route I take when I jog everytime. Damn I have to change my routine now. Then everybody arrives one after another. TP, my dealer, the tow truck. I started talking more normally now. I went to look at the car. It doesnt look that bad. The amazing thing is the front of the car is totally fine. I started discussing of the aftermath. Insurance and blah blah. I also began to call more people. My unit and my management. I started to talk irrationally about work. But it seemed to take my mind off the accident. Take my mind how worse it could have been. Thats why I am writing all this down now. Telling myself how worse it could have been. I am lucky to be alive and to be not injured. Very lucky. I need to use this incident and force myself to change. I had told myself I need to do something about my life during my overseas trip. But now my resolve is stronger. The last time I had this thought to change, I failed. I went back to my hole. My slumber. I need to honour my word this time. I hope I will and I must. This time round.

最近比较烦

最近对一个女孩有点好感，可是她有点忽冷忽热。。。 也不知该着么办好。可能太久没追女孩了，不知要积极呢还是慢慢来。 不知该不该表态还是装傻。虽然我已可以想到有蛮多的阻碍使我们不会交往，可是我对自己说“需要想这么多吗？” 所以现在心有点不知所措，有点痒痒，也有点酸酸。可是这样也不错，至少有东西期待 。＝）

STOP!

Stop it oh stop it already, 文秋... Can u stop being so lazy and nostalgic??? Sighhhh

Life

As I look at pictures from the past, I feel I need to do something about the future... Is there still time?

Single

Been thinking lately since the lightbulb-ish JB trip on Wed why I am still single after so long...

Issit because I am lazy / un-interesting / ugly / still hurt / fat / have -ve vibes / small social circle? Think its a combi of everything. Sighh

Posting Out

Couple of options for me if I really get to post out. Though its not up to me to decide but I need to show my interest & fight for the post! Best bit of news at work for a long time...

Stuck under the leadership, woops shall I say non-existent leadership of a superior for too long le. Its time I get out of my comfort zone & experience something new. Waaoottt!

News of our bonus this year has just been announced. $750 + 13th Month. Well never expected much anyway so I am taking it in my stride... Still thinking of what to reward myself with on this limited budget. Hahahhaa suggestions anyone?

Regards,
Leaving for greener pastures

Need You Now

Song: Need You Now
Artist(Band):Lady Antebellum


"Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor,
Reachin for the phone cause i cant fight it anymore,
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time,

(Chorus)
It's a quarter after one, im all alone and I need you now
I said i wouldnt call but I lost all control and I need you now
And i dont know how I can do without, I just need you now


Another shot of whisky cant stop lookin at the door
Wishin you'd come sweepin in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind,
For me it happens all the time..

(Chorus)
Its a quarter after one im a little drunk and I need you now
I said i wouldnt call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I dont know how I can do without
I just need you now


Guess i'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all...


Its a quarter after one im all alone and I need you now,
and I said I wouldnt call but im a little drunk and I need you now
and I dont know how I can do without,
I just need you now
I just need you now

Ohh baby I need you now"

The three group members, along with Josh Kear wrote this song about yearning for companionship in the middle of the night, as explained in the chorus:

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone
And I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control
And I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Hillary Scott explained that this song, and many others on their second album, "are about what we are learning as we go through the ups and downs of different relationships." She added: "All three of us know what it's like to get to that point where you feel lonely enough that you make a late night phone call that you very well could regret the next day. But you do it anyway because it's the only thing that's going to give you any relief in that moment."

I did this once & the feeling is still kinda vivid... Haizzz